Archive for the ‘Twits’ Category
Girl #1, getting off the Newark express bus: It’s so good to be home.
Girl #2, after walking away from crowd: Stop pretending that you live here!
Girl #1: But it’s fun!
–41st & Broadway
A blockbuster wartime bio-pic faces the axe – after it was revealed the New Yorker who wrote it made the whole story up! Oscar winner Richard Dreyfuss and Irish starlet Sarah Bolger were set to make “The Fence” – based on an autobiography by Herman Rosenblat.
In the movie, Dublin-born beauty Bolger plays Roma, a young girl who forms a bond with teenage Nazi concentration camp victim Rosenblat after she keeps him alive by tossing him breadcrumbs and apples over the barbed wire fence.
However, Rosenblat, who went on to marry Roma following a chance meeting years later in New York, has now shockingly confessed he concocted the information in his book, “Angel at the Fence: The True Story of a Love that Survived.”
Retired New York telly repairman Herman, whose bogus story has now been scrapped by publishers, apologised this week, saying: “I wanted to bring happiness to people, to remind them not to hate, but to love and tolerate all people. I brought good feelings to a lot of people and I brought hope to many. My motivation was to make good in this world. In my dreams, Roma will always throw me an apple, but I now know it is only a dream.”
Even chat show queen Oprah Winfrey was taken in by the hoax. Oprah who hosted Rosenblat and his wife, Roma Radzicki Rosenblat, on her show twice, called their romance “the single greatest love story” she had encountered in her 22 years on the show.
CRACKPOT actress Rose McGowan could ensure a low budget movie makes millions – thanks to her bizarre IRA rant. Rose, who played a sexy witch in the telly show Charmed, left fans spellbound at the premiere of Fifty Dead Men Walking,when she said: “Had I grown up in Belfast I would have 100 per cent joined the IRA.”
However, though her idiotic remarks were slammed by the producers of the movie about an IRA infiltrator, the negative publicity has persuaded distributors all over the world to buy the rights to screen it. In her notorious rant, McGowan, 35, whose dad is Irish, added: “My heart just broke for the cause. Violence is not to be played out daily and provide an answer to problems – but I do understand it.”
Made on a shoestring budget, Fifty Dead Men Walking, which would probably only have got a limited release without Rose’s shocking intervention, is based on Martin McGartland’s 1997 memoir about a young Catholic in Belfast recruited by the British. Says a movie insider: “The people at Handmade Films who produced this were quick to condemn Rose’s comments. But secretly they are probably thrilled because they paid peanuts to make it and the bad publicity is going to turn this into a monster hit. Rose is a bit of a maverick who doesn’t play by Hollywood rules – but despite her despicable views, fans love her because she’s a bad girl. That’s why she is always being cast in dark roles as a witch or a killer.”
Handmade Films executive Guy Collins made a series of deals to sell the film – in which Rose plays a Prove femme fatale – worldwide shortly after the recent Toronto Film Festival.
THE IRISHMAN once dubbed “America’s Top Cop” is in trouble yet again after he deployed an elite anti-terrorist unit on a mission …to retrieve his wife’s stolen handbag. John Timoney, Miami’s Chief of Police, outraged fellow cops this year when he failed to disclose his year-long use of a free luxury rental car. Now he’s under fire again for “abusing” the services of the crack Special Investigations Section just to get his wife Noreen’s bag back.
The SIS is not unlike Britain’s famed SAS and usually works closely with the DEA, the Secret Service, and the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force. The department’s website highlights many of the unit’s accomplishments, including the arrest of a fugitive wanted in Italy for a bombing that killed 80 people; the dismantling of a criminal network responsible for the human trafficking of children; and a year-long investigation leading to the largest cocaine bust in the history of the Miami Police Department with $400 million worth of cocaine being seized and 11 people arrested.
It’s unlikely the website will trumpet its latest achievement – arresting an 18-year-old kid for stealing Noreen Timoney’s handbag. Noreen left the bag unattended when she was paying for petrol at a service station and a thief snatched it from the front seat of her car.
Her “911” phone call created an astonishing response. Minutes later, six patrol cars arrived on the scene, along with a detective from the burglary unit and a crime scene technician to dust the car for fingerprints. However, that apparently wasn’t enough for such a VIP victim. A call went out to assign SIS detectives to the case. SIS men were granted unlimited overtime to solve the crime. Nonetheless, it still took them two days to arrest the youngster.
FURIOUS Catholics have branded Ghostbusters star Dan Aykroyd a ghoul – after he suggested it could be
‘okay’ to have sex with animals. Aykroyd was one of a series of Irish Americans to contribute to Kerry Kennedy’s book, Being Catholic Now. In the book, the funnyman first irritates devout Catholics by saying he backs gay and lesbian priests. Then he outrages them further by condoning bestiality.
Says Aykroyd: “I’d embrace gay and lesbian priests, because I don’t believe homosexuality is immoral. I draw the line at bestiality because it’s unfair to the dog or the cat. If the dog or the cat had consciousness, then that’d be okay with me. Sexuality has nothing to do with morality.”
Irishman Bill Donohue, the president of America’s influential Catholic League, is disgusted at Aykroyd’s remarks. He blasts: “If I were a pet owner and was going away for the weekend the last thing I’d do with Fido is drop him off at Dan Aykroyd’s house.”
After cashing in on the Montauk Monster hysteria for ten days, the makers of a low budget movie are now singing a rather different tune. The crew of the new Lea Thompson film Splinterheads were shooting in Montauk when the monster sightings first occurred and have been linking to a Gotham News report on their website ever since and even brazenly displaying a picture of the famed beastie.
Now though, the film’s writer-director Brant Sersen has decided to own up to the fact his movie has nothing to do with the monster at all. Not only that but he is trying to pin all the blame on a 16-year-old kid who allegedly set up his own fake Splinterheads website to make a bit of money for himself.
Explains Sersen on his website Sersen Park: “It’s amazing what a quick thinking 16 year old entrepreneur can do. Here’s what happened – Newsday does an article about our film (which is shooting near Montauk). Montauk Monster story breaks, kid steals some of our graphics, sets up a fake official Splinterheads website, makes up some names and voila – a national story.
“I’d like to go on record and say our movie “Splinterheads” has had nothing to do with this Montauk Monster thing. We’re shooting a comedy out here in Patchogue – not a horror film. My producer Darren does not have a sister Rachel, but a Rachael Taylor is starring in the film. Along side Thomas Middleditch, Christopher McDonald, Lea Thompson, Dean Winters, Frankie Faison, Jason Rogel and Pamela Shaw. Check http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1254696/ if you don’t believe me.”
It’s not that we don’t believe you, Mr. Splinterhead. It’s just that we don’t believe you have the gall to blame a kid for being a kid, when you have milked this story for all it is worth. Rather hypocritical. Pictures of the monster have been on your site for 10 days now, generating thousands of hits and interest in a movie which would otherwise be ignored. You finally admit Goldberg doesn’t have a sister called Rachel and yet on your August 7 website entry, you posted: “Thank’s Darren’s sister.” Funny but misleading.
Instead of blathering on about 16-year-old ‘entrepreneurs,’ try to look on the bright side. No one will watch your flick when it comes out next year but lots of people have read your website because of the monster!
The real mystery is why a beautiful and talented actress like Lea Thompson would want to be associated with the film!
Some people have no shame! The people who spiced up our summer with the Montauk Monster are now apparently trying to cash in by selling their websites on eBay. As we revealed last week, the whole beastie story was probably just a silly marketing trick to promote interest in next year’s B-movie comedy Spinterheads, produced by Darren Goldberg.
Now it seems hoaxers have put three uninspiring and unofficial Splinterheads websites up for sale. So far though, they haven’t had much luck with bids ‘shooting up’ from 99 cents yesterday to $1.04 today. As we feel a bit bad for them, we might dig into the Gotham News purse and get it up to $2. Or maybe not.
Part of the problem, monster fans say, is that the Splinterheads movie appears to have nothing to do with monsters – it’s about carnies instead.
Nicky Papers, who started up her own website to investigate the mystery, was unimpressed with the development. As she correctly says, “What good is seeing a movie about a bunch of carnies if the Montauk Monster isn’t involved?”